Can't believe i'm actually doing this...typing in here..blogging as they call it now..i've been reading friends' blogs and i really liek reading stuff they write...makes me laugh, or feel emotional or simply reflect on things...and i learn more about my friends thru their writing..stuff i may never realise or see otherwise...but just 2 days ago i was telling my bestfriend how although i really found it (the concept of blogging, and my friends' entries) interesting and stuff..but that i cld never actually write my own blog..cldnt imagine typing out thoughts...feelings..just mundane stuff even...that i was more of a talking person..i am..i usually feel much better once i talk about stuff, be it gd or bad...and if i reallyy had to let some stuff out that i wasnt ready to share with anyone, i scribble..random lines...sometimes what i consider abstract poetry. so yea..that was just 2 days ago, our conversation...when i was so convinced blogging wasnt my thing.. and here i am..just goes to show how much thnigs can change just like that..well the long and short of this whole thing is, basically this is a 1st fr me..my 1st entry.i'm just writing random stuff...witohut even thinking about wht to say next..if that even makes sense..just going with the flow of my thoughts...so let's see where they take me.
I guess everything is a matter of timing...i really do beleive in how there's a right time and place fr everythnig..i beleive it now more than ever before..but sometimes everything just seems so meaningless and sort of...u know..directionless and futile and empty..that i wonder if i'm just deluding myself.Perhaps there are some qstns best left unanswered - fr the time being at least.Not trying to sound deep or philosophical..its just the mood/frame of mind i'm in i think..though sometimes i think its a phase, and a damn long one at that.
Ever get a feelnig youre just trapped in ur life...not like a cage animal in the zoo or anything hlaf as dramatic...just tht you feel youre not really you...like if the stuff u wore wasnt really ur sense of style, and if the stuff u said wasnt what u were actually thinking off..and if waht you were doing with ur life wsnt anything close to waht u can see youtself doing..or what u had envisioned for urself in de beginning of time..?i mean forget out of body experiences...this is more like an out of life experience.
sometimes i think everything is just shining and happy and that i'm in harmony with the universe and that everything is exactly as it is meant to be.
i really hope thats true..coz its a comforting thought...and i try to beleive in it esp when its getting harder and harder to.
Its funny how u can go to bed feeling that way, and wake up the next day feelnig exactly the opposite...melancholy and just bitter about stuff and feeling like everything about your life was wrong adn that nothing is the way its supposed to be...but u know whats scarier than that??The thought that perhaps evrything was infact the way its meant to be - and this is it.
ok see..its when i go down this road (happens quite a bit) and start to depress myself (evne more) and scare myself while i'm at it that i tell myself, stop rite here and end the night before the feeling takes over.So i think thats waht i shall do now.If i ever do get possessed again by the same spirits, i might just be back again..this is life afterall..anything's possible..
...or i might just wake up tomorrow morning...happy and contented and convinced that everything was fine and that i was living my dreams and making the most of my life and being exactly the kind of person i'd like to be and of coz feel more strongly than ever that blogging isnt my kinda thing...who knows?
...U know wahts weird...i used to think, if i EVER for some reason decided to blog some day..id write something happy and lighthearted and funny...and not something which screamed out the words psycho..but well .. like i said, this is life.... you just never know.
I guess everything is a matter of timing...i really do beleive in how there's a right time and place fr everythnig..i beleive it now more than ever before..but sometimes everything just seems so meaningless and sort of...u know..directionless and futile and empty..that i wonder if i'm just deluding myself.Perhaps there are some qstns best left unanswered - fr the time being at least.Not trying to sound deep or philosophical..its just the mood/frame of mind i'm in i think..though sometimes i think its a phase, and a damn long one at that.
Ever get a feelnig youre just trapped in ur life...not like a cage animal in the zoo or anything hlaf as dramatic...just tht you feel youre not really you...like if the stuff u wore wasnt really ur sense of style, and if the stuff u said wasnt what u were actually thinking off..and if waht you were doing with ur life wsnt anything close to waht u can see youtself doing..or what u had envisioned for urself in de beginning of time..?i mean forget out of body experiences...this is more like an out of life experience.
sometimes i think everything is just shining and happy and that i'm in harmony with the universe and that everything is exactly as it is meant to be.
i really hope thats true..coz its a comforting thought...and i try to beleive in it esp when its getting harder and harder to.
Its funny how u can go to bed feeling that way, and wake up the next day feelnig exactly the opposite...melancholy and just bitter about stuff and feeling like everything about your life was wrong adn that nothing is the way its supposed to be...but u know whats scarier than that??The thought that perhaps evrything was infact the way its meant to be - and this is it.
ok see..its when i go down this road (happens quite a bit) and start to depress myself (evne more) and scare myself while i'm at it that i tell myself, stop rite here and end the night before the feeling takes over.So i think thats waht i shall do now.If i ever do get possessed again by the same spirits, i might just be back again..this is life afterall..anything's possible..
...or i might just wake up tomorrow morning...happy and contented and convinced that everything was fine and that i was living my dreams and making the most of my life and being exactly the kind of person i'd like to be and of coz feel more strongly than ever that blogging isnt my kinda thing...who knows?
...U know wahts weird...i used to think, if i EVER for some reason decided to blog some day..id write something happy and lighthearted and funny...and not something which screamed out the words psycho..but well .. like i said, this is life.... you just never know.
posted by Kumari | 2:22 AM
1 Comments:
and she doesn't tell me she's started writing. I'm glad I snooped around though. ;)
Very intense first post K.And I feel you on the writing about happy things, but strangely, people seem to get inspired and write the most beautiful things words in their pensive states.
Just keep thinking positively rather than thinking stuff that pulls u down. Hard to do, but try anyway ok? That's what you told me after all.
Take care and love you heaps n heaps. (and i love the Tempest quote).
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