wannabe-anonymous
Just for the record, (this is more of a self-clarification) the wannabe here is the adjective form, and not the declarative verb(??) i-want-to-be.
Oh and by the way if one doesn't get what the hell i'm talking about, one shouldn;t worry..really.Coz i think normal people don't talk or think in terms of adjectives, verbs, determiners etc..this is the process of contamination that takes place when you bombard your fresh unadulterated mind with stuff you dont' really comprehend or like...but you gotta pretend u do.. for the sake of...well your own sanity for one..and alot of other things including the fact that you need to be/seem/sound/feel intellectual and academic.
HAH.
Did i mention that i believe that we're all intelligent and creative and receptive to knowledge and naturally inquisitive until the day we begin some form of formal education?Did i say believe?I'm convinced.
Was talking to my mom about it the other...have you noticed how kids in pri 1..and pre- kindergarten/nursery are so full of questions..they question everytihng...they have ideas, spirit,originality...and noone breathing down their neck with cliches like "critical analysis..process skills..creative thinking..yada yada"...they're full of energy, they don't feel conscious when they're wrong or when they dont know what to say..or have anything to say for that matter..and they volunteer, participate with enthusiasm, they're spontaneous,they're just themselves and happy about it. Then primary one happens. By the time you get to pri 6 most kids lose all that (to different extents)...next time u get the chance, walk past a pri 1 class in action, and then past a pri6 class in inertia. Now imagine these kids still have psle, o levels, a levels etc etc to get through. How much is taken away or added to the essential ME? we start off as sponges but along the way...i think we become carpets..soaking in everything - even the messiest spills which dont do a thing for us.
I feel like i've just written one of those introductions to academic/discourse essays that noone but the writer understands...and you read it and think," and this is just the bloddy beginning of the article!!" So maybe i'm on the right track afterall.
Back to the idea of anonymity (anonymousity??guess not - but sounds cuter)..i suppose one can't really be all that anonymous in here (right,appendicitis parasitis?...chortle chortle) :P which is quite an uncomfy idea..for me..but at the end of the day, i do beleive in a greater good. Afterall, seeing the way my academic non-life/ non-academic life (wonder if they mean the same thing??) is going...if all else fails, including the flower shop backup plan (seeing that i like only 4 flowers in the whole world)..and i did rot and die...someone wld declare on my tomb "maybe she could write?". Perhaps "could have written" would be more appropriate since i would be dead. Morbid..shudders.
Wonder how possible it is to write about something without actually writing about it..i mean if thats possible in speech...i should be able to pull it off here as well right.If blogging was really about catharsis, and you had to let off steam and deal with things that were sort of gnawing at you..u wldnt want the whole world to know who/what you're talking about right??or maybe its not such a big deal to some..most...everyone else? :1
Its really quite scary when you spend a lifetime convinced you were going to do something..and then you actually did it and realised that it wasn't what you wanted to do afterall..and now that you know that's not it, you don;t know waht to do..or if you can do anything at all.
Sometimes you want to do something soo badly that the anxiety itself prevents you from doing it..(those who came up with "When u want soemthing badly enough , you get it" probably did include the above point as a P.S but it;s not an inspiring quote-worthy concept)..like the other night...i decided i was going to sleep early no matter waht coz i had to be up at 5am in order to make it on time for an early lecture...This is the kinda class you don't want to enter late,coz its impossible to be inconspicuous about it. Somehow i only made it to bed around 1-ish am and had trouble falling asleep..and the more i was telling myself to sleep NOW coz i had less than 3 hours before i had to wake up...the harder it was to fall asleep...i mean i know i'm prone to anxiety attacks but this is rather extreme i think!Eventually i did fall asleep, but i swear my alarm went off like 10 mins later. The phrase "catching up on sleep" has got it all wrong..its more like sleep catches up on u - it was simply impossible to stay awake during that bio lecture..kept nodding off no matter how hard i tried. Ironic.
Ok..this entry is the consequence of a few things..but becoz i'm trying to be a positive being, i shall say it is inspired by a few things :
1) i just finished 1.5 readings which sounded exactly the way this blog would sound to someone else.
2) I still have 2.5 readings to complete and i hear one of them is the ultimate nightmare article.Gdluck to bbs and ssi who are presenting on it.
3) i have to do all this by tonight, including tuition. Yea, i tutor toads.
4)part of me is thinking, even if did do all of it, i'm probably gonna sit in class and look like i was still grappling with letters of the alphabet.
ok i'm tired.sides...ppl were right aobut the impact of seeing your thoughts in writing.After looking at the list above, its hit me how much work i have and how little time. Which would mean i should have started..................a few hours ago.
End-of-Rant.
Oh and by the way if one doesn't get what the hell i'm talking about, one shouldn;t worry..really.Coz i think normal people don't talk or think in terms of adjectives, verbs, determiners etc..this is the process of contamination that takes place when you bombard your fresh unadulterated mind with stuff you dont' really comprehend or like...but you gotta pretend u do.. for the sake of...well your own sanity for one..and alot of other things including the fact that you need to be/seem/sound/feel intellectual and academic.
HAH.
Did i mention that i believe that we're all intelligent and creative and receptive to knowledge and naturally inquisitive until the day we begin some form of formal education?Did i say believe?I'm convinced.
Was talking to my mom about it the other...have you noticed how kids in pri 1..and pre- kindergarten/nursery are so full of questions..they question everytihng...they have ideas, spirit,originality...and noone breathing down their neck with cliches like "critical analysis..process skills..creative thinking..yada yada"...they're full of energy, they don't feel conscious when they're wrong or when they dont know what to say..or have anything to say for that matter..and they volunteer, participate with enthusiasm, they're spontaneous,they're just themselves and happy about it. Then primary one happens. By the time you get to pri 6 most kids lose all that (to different extents)...next time u get the chance, walk past a pri 1 class in action, and then past a pri6 class in inertia. Now imagine these kids still have psle, o levels, a levels etc etc to get through. How much is taken away or added to the essential ME? we start off as sponges but along the way...i think we become carpets..soaking in everything - even the messiest spills which dont do a thing for us.
I feel like i've just written one of those introductions to academic/discourse essays that noone but the writer understands...and you read it and think," and this is just the bloddy beginning of the article!!" So maybe i'm on the right track afterall.
Back to the idea of anonymity (anonymousity??guess not - but sounds cuter)..i suppose one can't really be all that anonymous in here (right,appendicitis parasitis?...chortle chortle) :P which is quite an uncomfy idea..for me..but at the end of the day, i do beleive in a greater good. Afterall, seeing the way my academic non-life/ non-academic life (wonder if they mean the same thing??) is going...if all else fails, including the flower shop backup plan (seeing that i like only 4 flowers in the whole world)..and i did rot and die...someone wld declare on my tomb "maybe she could write?". Perhaps "could have written" would be more appropriate since i would be dead. Morbid..shudders.
Wonder how possible it is to write about something without actually writing about it..i mean if thats possible in speech...i should be able to pull it off here as well right.If blogging was really about catharsis, and you had to let off steam and deal with things that were sort of gnawing at you..u wldnt want the whole world to know who/what you're talking about right??or maybe its not such a big deal to some..most...everyone else? :1
Its really quite scary when you spend a lifetime convinced you were going to do something..and then you actually did it and realised that it wasn't what you wanted to do afterall..and now that you know that's not it, you don;t know waht to do..or if you can do anything at all.
Sometimes you want to do something soo badly that the anxiety itself prevents you from doing it..(those who came up with "When u want soemthing badly enough , you get it" probably did include the above point as a P.S but it;s not an inspiring quote-worthy concept)..like the other night...i decided i was going to sleep early no matter waht coz i had to be up at 5am in order to make it on time for an early lecture...This is the kinda class you don't want to enter late,coz its impossible to be inconspicuous about it. Somehow i only made it to bed around 1-ish am and had trouble falling asleep..and the more i was telling myself to sleep NOW coz i had less than 3 hours before i had to wake up...the harder it was to fall asleep...i mean i know i'm prone to anxiety attacks but this is rather extreme i think!Eventually i did fall asleep, but i swear my alarm went off like 10 mins later. The phrase "catching up on sleep" has got it all wrong..its more like sleep catches up on u - it was simply impossible to stay awake during that bio lecture..kept nodding off no matter how hard i tried. Ironic.
Ok..this entry is the consequence of a few things..but becoz i'm trying to be a positive being, i shall say it is inspired by a few things :
1) i just finished 1.5 readings which sounded exactly the way this blog would sound to someone else.
2) I still have 2.5 readings to complete and i hear one of them is the ultimate nightmare article.Gdluck to bbs and ssi who are presenting on it.
3) i have to do all this by tonight, including tuition. Yea, i tutor toads.
4)part of me is thinking, even if did do all of it, i'm probably gonna sit in class and look like i was still grappling with letters of the alphabet.
ok i'm tired.sides...ppl were right aobut the impact of seeing your thoughts in writing.After looking at the list above, its hit me how much work i have and how little time. Which would mean i should have started..................a few hours ago.
End-of-Rant.
posted by Kumari | 12:12 PM
1 Comments:
G'day K!.. I actually find it hard to call u K coz well.. U're not a K person!
TOo right about the creativity thing..the system is so bent on teaching kids to be creative that it doesn't realise that creativity can be cultivated gradually.. but not ingrained. It's a process of experience.. On the other hand, I read the speech by the new PM, and it does sound pretty promising. So I hope we're on the right track.
Anyway, great post and MORE PLEASE! ;)
appendicitis parasitis.. aint that what i used to call the pancake? hehe
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