Back with a vengeance
i realise its been a while....
But i'm back (ok yogajunkie stopped beaming....heh)
After what happened the last time i tried to write something, i thought that was the end of my blogging phase..but guess i'm back here again so maybe i'll give it another go.we all deserve a 2nd chance, even computers,technology...adn...er..blogs.yea..
thing is, there was one night a long time ago (think its been 3 weeks) when i came home from a particularly inspiring dinner session with some family friends...it was very enlightening and really helped me to reflect on things i've been wondering about alot, and yet not quite going anywhere with it..getting lost in my thoughts, that kinda thing. We talked about God and religion and reincarnation,the soul etc..felt good at the end of it and even tho i still had questions.. i was inspired to think more about it..it was one of those lonely nights online...fri/sat night i think so hardly anyone else except urs truly was online...so i sat and typed in here..a long,long LONG blog on everything...that conversation,my thoughts,fears..just everything and it was such a nice blog coz it realy flowed. Until i decided to save it, coz something gave me a feeling i was gonna lose it all if i didn't...u know how sometimes u get this ultimate feeling of BLISS and everything's just perfect, so perfect u just knw something's probably gonna go wrong somewhere sooon..yea..so i hit the f12 key and that did it.
Lost the ENTIRE thing. the feeling of emptiness and disbelief that ensued is indescribable..was surprisingly calm...just sat there taking in the the hollow feeling...call me dramatic but i told myself this is how women feel when they hav a miscarriage. oF coz i cldnt bring myself to rewrite that blog..or write anymore fr quite a while after that night...
In retrospect...i was thinking about it.... the whole point of me doing this, is a form of release, catharsis (one of my favouritests words!) for my own sake...and i achieved it by simply letting it all out when i typed it..i was disappointed of coz when i lost it coz i cldnt post it and share it and read back and feel a sense of pride and think, "i wrote this!"...but hey, not all's lost..the point was to reflect , and i did..objective achieved. I'm glad i've been able to log in and face this page again after that night.
Not that this kinda thing is new to me or anything...it's been worse - in my 1st sem of my 1st yr in uni... i had just written an entire essay (lit term paper) of 2500 words..and was at word count ..when i did something, and lost the whole thing. Cldnt retreieve it..and it was 5am...essay was due later that day.Then, i panicked..i sat there and almost went ballistic..cried my eyes out...desperately tried everthing,until i realized there was nothing else i cld do and i might as well rewrite it while thoughts were fresh.And so i did..and i did terribly fr that paper too btw.
Lesson 1 : always save continually while typing long essays/blogs/emails etc
Lesson 2 : f12 is not the universal save key. For blogs, it deletes,so don't be lazy..do the usual copy/paste thing
So anyway...I might have actually updated this sooner but been swamped with work..huge buffet of deadlines term papers and presentations and tests coming up...*senses nods of agreement and empathy*...but hey..just DIG IN FOLKS!! We'll live, and get thru...as we did last semester and the ones before...
ps : If u never hear from me ever ever ever again..pls ignore the above paragraph and know that i died in the process of writing some term paper which i never completed..and never saw that disgusting grade..or that i died of stress and stage fright in the middle of my 1 hr presentation....and if u have to remember all that crap i said here - let it serve u as a warning not to be disillusioned and fatally optimistic.
" optimism killed her" they'll say.
Parting shot : " Everything's ok in the end....if it's not ok...it's not the end"
Don't u just love contradictions??
:P
But i'm back (ok yogajunkie stopped beaming....heh)
After what happened the last time i tried to write something, i thought that was the end of my blogging phase..but guess i'm back here again so maybe i'll give it another go.we all deserve a 2nd chance, even computers,technology...adn...er..blogs.yea..
thing is, there was one night a long time ago (think its been 3 weeks) when i came home from a particularly inspiring dinner session with some family friends...it was very enlightening and really helped me to reflect on things i've been wondering about alot, and yet not quite going anywhere with it..getting lost in my thoughts, that kinda thing. We talked about God and religion and reincarnation,the soul etc..felt good at the end of it and even tho i still had questions.. i was inspired to think more about it..it was one of those lonely nights online...fri/sat night i think so hardly anyone else except urs truly was online...so i sat and typed in here..a long,long LONG blog on everything...that conversation,my thoughts,fears..just everything and it was such a nice blog coz it realy flowed. Until i decided to save it, coz something gave me a feeling i was gonna lose it all if i didn't...u know how sometimes u get this ultimate feeling of BLISS and everything's just perfect, so perfect u just knw something's probably gonna go wrong somewhere sooon..yea..so i hit the f12 key and that did it.
Lost the ENTIRE thing. the feeling of emptiness and disbelief that ensued is indescribable..was surprisingly calm...just sat there taking in the the hollow feeling...call me dramatic but i told myself this is how women feel when they hav a miscarriage. oF coz i cldnt bring myself to rewrite that blog..or write anymore fr quite a while after that night...
In retrospect...i was thinking about it.... the whole point of me doing this, is a form of release, catharsis (one of my favouritests words!) for my own sake...and i achieved it by simply letting it all out when i typed it..i was disappointed of coz when i lost it coz i cldnt post it and share it and read back and feel a sense of pride and think, "i wrote this!"...but hey, not all's lost..the point was to reflect , and i did..objective achieved. I'm glad i've been able to log in and face this page again after that night.
Not that this kinda thing is new to me or anything...it's been worse - in my 1st sem of my 1st yr in uni... i had just written an entire essay (lit term paper) of 2500 words..and was at word count ..when i did something, and lost the whole thing. Cldnt retreieve it..and it was 5am...essay was due later that day.Then, i panicked..i sat there and almost went ballistic..cried my eyes out...desperately tried everthing,until i realized there was nothing else i cld do and i might as well rewrite it while thoughts were fresh.And so i did..and i did terribly fr that paper too btw.
Lesson 1 : always save continually while typing long essays/blogs/emails etc
Lesson 2 : f12 is not the universal save key. For blogs, it deletes,so don't be lazy..do the usual copy/paste thing
So anyway...I might have actually updated this sooner but been swamped with work..huge buffet of deadlines term papers and presentations and tests coming up...*senses nods of agreement and empathy*...but hey..just DIG IN FOLKS!! We'll live, and get thru...as we did last semester and the ones before...
ps : If u never hear from me ever ever ever again..pls ignore the above paragraph and know that i died in the process of writing some term paper which i never completed..and never saw that disgusting grade..or that i died of stress and stage fright in the middle of my 1 hr presentation....and if u have to remember all that crap i said here - let it serve u as a warning not to be disillusioned and fatally optimistic.
" optimism killed her" they'll say.
Parting shot : " Everything's ok in the end....if it's not ok...it's not the end"
Don't u just love contradictions??
:P
posted by Kumari | 4:37 PM
2 Comments:
yaiy! yu'r back! checked this out as soon as i put down the phone. am glad yu finally posted, and yeah, this blog thing is firstly and ultimately for yur own release...so good on yu mate! as my sis would say....
and enjoyed reading that post. it was funny in that chaharcteristic wry "the Source" kinda humour!
Hey girl... just loved reading your blog. Thoughtful and thought-provoking. Loved it. I agree.. writing is for release. And i feel the same way too.. though i'm feelin a little awkward doing it after such a long time.
and might i add.. its been great talking to u these days. Its strange how we didnt hook up earlier :)
*grin*
Here's to more blogs girlie :)
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