In-decision

So....U spend ages tossing and turning, unable to sleep, in a fix - confused and tormented by indecision,sick of weighing out the pros and cons and working out all aspects of the dilemma in your head. Then finally one day, things seem to become a bit clearer, and u get a sign (frm God,u'r convinced, or so u'd like to think)..it could be in the form of random ppl reaffirming your potential-decisions/thought processes or it could be that lucky number on the license plate of some car passing by, or as the latest trend appears to be it might be spotting a large bird circling the skies in the most unlikely of places *winks at noone in particular*...in anycase, you get that sign. and u decide on A.
And then, u start to accept A adn you're all set to deal with the decision and the after effects..you seek and get the much needed affirmation from ppl around you...be it damage control or depression-management...in the forming of signing up for pilates classes or 'volunteering' ahem to participate in a linguistics conference (peer pressure is a SAD thing) - so you feel a bit more reassured about having to make tht decision...and you start to internalise it. U nkow, decision A might be somethnig which you never even considered uptill then,but its amazing how your mind can simply assimilate it and soon it becomes the 'common sensical' thing to do, and you actually start beleiveing in it and you accept it, albeit a little reluctantly. Infact, in retrospect im inclined to think, u accept it an almost subconscious level coz you dont realise that you've accepted tht bitter decision...
Until..
...Out of nowhere, without any warning, in a matter of minutes even, something happens which turns the tables on you, everything goes topsy turvy and you'r back to square one - point A negative...the entire process is seeminlgy wasted - your resolve,decision and everything just goes for a toss. After some thought and continued indecision, you realise that the latest events are out to convince you of the exact opposite of what you had decided upon, just minutes ago. And this seems bigger and more convincing.
And so...
you make another decision wihch overwrites and overrules the earlier decision and you land upon point of decision Z.
Its interesting though, coz even though decision Z is probably the desired decision, you've already gotten used to undesired difficult decision A - and all of a sudden, its hard to accept Z..it actually is..and it feels funny.
So now, you're stuck somewhere between A and Z..leaning towards Z but unsure if A still stands...and the arguments that supported A against Z dont hold anymore, but instead, works against A & suddenly everything starts to point towards Z.....all over again.
Life is just wierd lah.....Either God has an ironic sense of humour, or he must be male.

"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay
and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
whenYou think everything’s gone wrong
and everything blows upIn your face......
.........Isn’t it ironic... don’t you think?"