Gone Lippi

(By the way...There's a lipstick/lipgloss called born lippy right???sounds familiar...)

And so the presentation is finally over...note : i still have one more next friday..and that too is in an all too familiar unsettling state of uncertainty and confusion...but we'll stumble and stutter our way thru...like we usually do..like we did today certainly.
The class is just so damn intimidating...i know ive never been big on presentations or anything...but i think after all the practice ive had thanks to my 4 years in this wonderful supposedly reputable world class educational institution. I wonder how many maxims i just flouted/violated (i don;t even know the damn difference and im presenting on this stuff next week..and the best part is, This topic is like THE ONLY topic i've actually managed to sorta comprehend in the entire semester of..ok ive lost count but at least 9 lectures i guess...happening....or as ribenaberry would say in her characteristic inimitable way, i'm simply the champion.
Today's Lippi-(better not use any adjective,can't trust myself at this point)-green's presentation wch me and crabby did was so...bleaagghhh, to quote crabby (she says it best, with the classic and most apt expression!!!)...actually it was a bleaggh reading right from the start...i didnt mind reading it coz it was actually interesting (ok fine i find anything ideological interestig, im obsessed with ideology) but that aside...coming to grips with it was another matter all together..was so hard to deal with the reading (altho it's pretty comprehensive)...structuring our ideas and analysis was quite a challenge and though i thought it was going well and we did discuss some really good points...it seemed like the end product was a let down and didnt reflect the effort,time,energy,stress,lost-sleep and cab fares that went into this presentation. I tihnk the class threw us off...it[s pretty disarming...yea yea i know it sounds like an excuse..like its always THEM not ME but some of us will know what im talking about. The (ahem) audience, with a few chweet exceptions, looked at us like we were were rattling off in hebrew...i mean i can understand fr myself..coz later my prof told me i covered 5 slides in like 2 mins or something (someone pls inform guiness)...so that's worse than hebrew...but crabby was clear...more nervous than usual tho(and this is a girl who asks qstns and intimidates Dr.' blink blink bow tie' to no small extent!)...but she was clear and i know we had gd points...had more points that we didnt say but stuff we said was pretty ok....right??? Oh well..on the whole i guess all is not lost...in terms of relative performance i don't think it was waaay below standard..er...ok i might be presumptious about this but i don[t intend to let tihs rainy dreary wednesday depress me any further. Basically, i shall celebrate the end of my 2nd last presentation this entire semester - purely metaphorically speaking coz i have another presentation next week and there's no time to do that, let alone celebrate.And after that there will be lets see..3 term papers in a row of a mere few thousand words each..and then voila! Exams! haaaaleyloooyah! (fr the record, i do know how to spell it, i'm just trying to write it the way it sounds)...come to think of it, if only language was like that, we linguistics majors wldnt hav such a miserable life..well we may not have anything much to study but there IS more to life...one has to rememember that though it takes considerable effort.
Speaking of which....
where did the semester go???I still remember 1st day of classes...but then again, i still remember 1st day of Uni when me and crabby got lost perpetually (tihngs havent changed mch) and when we still called each other to plan what we wld wear to sch on cultural fridays.
I hate feeling nostalgic...it dsnt help!!
Its 8.10pm im still in the damn computer cluster..too saturated to go to the study area and do any work...too exhausted to do any kinda browsing/borrowing...too depressed and stressed to go home...also it feels funny that i CAN actually leave at 8..after 1.5 weeks of leaving sch no earlier than 11pm.
Feels weird not doing certain things that ive always managed to incorporate into my schedule no matter how hectic its been..or despite circumstances, there's always been time fr certain things/ppl..somethings have always been a given....and it might just be me getting into my hyper-analytic paranoid state...but something deep inside dsnt quite feel at ease..i know things are changing...i knew they would and they have to...but i'm still so much the kid i was...change is still very unwelcome...somethings take a while to get used to..a looong while...
i'm not gonna dismiss the idea that change is perceived...lots of things are..but i aint going to dwell on this anymore than i have to coz a large part of my presentation today was on perceptions....so...go figure.
Oh well...ther'es just no pleasing some ppl...when i don't feel upset about a certain change, i worry about it...and then when i DO, i worry about THAT TOO. i tihnk the 2nd half of my name shldnt be 'ari'....it shld be 'worry'.
Feel so out of control...and its supposed to be MY LIFE!!!I'm a control freak i know...Actually if my name had 'control' before it, tht wld be perfect...it wld be alliteration too...and nothing wld describe me better. Control-kumworry. WOW.
iF any of u are actually still reading this,
1) i reallyyyyy am sorry coz i tihnk ur life must be more sad and pathetic and messed up than mine
2) u probably dont hve a life - ur not alone.I havent had a life my entire life. Try analysing that!
3) u think i'm either losing it,lost it, or getting suicidal. ok here's the consolation, i;m not suicidal so don't worry more than u need to...otherwise, i'll get start developing an identity crisis as well..hmm...can one develop an identitiy Crisis?? ok ok i'll shut up.
(see..here i am, i dont know if im talking to myself or to others..though i spewed a whole lot of bigtalk and nonsense about how the point shld be the former and bla bla...right now i don't care anymore lah.I'm talking ("talking") and i'm also "listening"to myself...whether or not there's readership is immaterial...i must admit i am happy to know when ppl do read though..and comment... :)

I wonder if we really should have analyzed blogs fr ID project...the whole written vs spoken registers thingi...might have been quite fun actually...(except perhaps explaining the concept of blogs to my group mate who's of a different generation might just be a little too trying fr me.)

I need to end this, before i start getting hatemail from my faithful reader fans (ha HA)...or i might get banned frm blogging, or sued for 'threat to other's positive mental states.'...for my dear friends who are reading this....i'm sure u know im fine and just being me.I'll be fine tomorrow morning. Hope u guys are hanging in there ( i hate this term but i've got to use it, for the want of a better cliche, and really, my head is heavy but i feel all floaty..i tihnk its the lightness that's come upon me ever since my mind went missing.)

Ok com cluster gonna shut down...so i really REALLY should shut up now.
Ciao folks till another "lambchops sing along coz they dont have deadlines" sessions.
Oh and of coz, a quote...never appreciated it before but now its become my mantra.

"The world sux....but then again, if it didn't, we'll all fall off"