All boxed in
Well i know its been ages since i blogged, well since i promised to blog more regularly anyway...but hey i've been busy bidding for modules which are just impossible to get coz the lowest bid points are something like 1500 and i have a grand total of..let's see..54??Happening rite.Nice..so i'm not getting the modules i really really want except for one 'childhood & youth' which i really enjoyed today and it seems very promising..so hope things look up from here..i've decided there's only so much i can do- ie : email and appeal to every single office and online appeal site possible..and i'm gonna take whatever comes my way..and try to have faith that it's meant fr me and that it's meant fr the best..*hoping some of ribena's positivity has rubbed off on me!!
So much for bidding and blogging..i havnet been doing the latter, but i've been reading..and i've enjoyed that..as for the boxes..i signed into the blogspot after so long, and its really strange coz everything's boxes..instead of the regular font with letters..weird - anyone knows how to fix that??I have no idea how this happened coz it sure dindt look like that before! :S
Anyways..sch has started..i'm still grappling with that..more so in an emotional sense...it will be so different..wont be seeing the smae familiar faces in practically every class..wont see the same faces waiting outside the classrooms and saving seats fr me in 'conspicuous corners'...won't see the same ppl walk in late..ahem..and then happily doze off in front of the lecturer..ahem ahem..hehe..wont get to goss about the gang of 4 and the obnoxious one and blink blink bow tie..sigh..well it's ok..i'm sure my own sources will keep me very much in the loop...even tho my classes fall on the very same days that they have none..and i;ll be in the other end of campus practically every other day. Well chums..we'll still be in touch i;m sure...over pasta and fruit salad & goss about the sad department! and of coz abt the progress of the so far barely existant ISMs *grin!
In a way im happy to go back to some kinda routine..but in more ways its sad..i cant decide if i wnat my uni life to end or not..i do and i dont..feels like my life is gonna be that much emptier and meaningless..it's already beginning to feel that way...so much for trying to be positive eh!!Well i did promise myself i'd get out of eyore mode and become ..er...who;s the happiest character??Roo probably coz it gets to sit in the mommy's pocket (the mommy's a kangaroo just in case u think i've lost it completely - and if u do, where the heck have u been and what have u been reading/watching?!sheesh!) so back to being happy..yea..happy baby roo..in the safe pocket..in a way, i am there but im not all that happy..
Questioning alot abt why im here and why it feels like im meant to be here but like im not fulfilling my purpose..u know how nagging that kinda feeling is..dont let me even go there..but yea..i strongly recomment 'the 5 ppl u meet in heaven' by mitch albom..the same chap who wrote 'tuesdays with morrie'..both awesome books..and this one (5 ppl..heaven) is reallyyy beautiful..i cried on the bus while reading it, i sat in the library and cried while reading it..and i finished it in one day..no no its not morbid or tragic sad or anything..its just beautiful..and alot of my own qstns seemed to at least make sense..as in i wont say i have THE answers now..but before even the qstns didnt make sense and now they do..so its a start dontcha think..so yea..read tht book folks..it;s all about the meaning of ur life and realising why you're here and why the stuff tht happens,happens. Enlightening stuff.
I dont know how this year's going to be different..i wonder if it is going to be in the 1st place..sometimes i feel a difference at the start of the yr..this year i dint..it felt like any other day..remember talkin to Lav abt it..i wonder if it has any significance that it felt uneventful and insignificant (hah)..but then again last yr i remember i had this feeling it was gonna be an eventful yr..and boyyyyyy was it eventful.. :S
ok let's not go down this lane either.
I wanna do so many things...i wanna meet up and spend quality time wtih all my friends..i wanna go for morning walks with the mouldy one...i wanna go fr movies..i wanna go cycling and night swimming..and other stuff which ive been thinking off all my life but never got down to...i want to take up classical (carnatic) music..i want to be able to sing confidently..and not croak away while dreaming of having a gorgeous voice somewhere in the distant future..i want to learn somthing new...something different..something out of my safety/comfort zone..i realise its no longer a comfort zone..its an entire comfort island..and so often i think/feel im trapped in it..imagine being trapped within your self..ds tht mean there's another self somewhere out there..within us or outside the 'core me' (here we go, the I vs Me debate.sounds familiar??)..or is there an essential self with many different aspects? Still mulling over that one..and my life is NOT a helpful case study. I wanna write..i wanna take up a course,learn about different cultures adn different kinda music...learn hindi..I wanna do more spiritually inclined stuff..and i want to find my voice and use it.. use it for worthy purposes even if its underused..i wanna travel (sob!!here's the big moment when we distinguish btwn 'want' and 'need' -- i want to do alllllll these thnigs..but i need the money 1st) - get the diff??Ok i better start working on the needs seriously...so that i get to do all tht stuff by...well hopefully before i retire,assuming i get a job in the 1st place!Which means i gotta figure out what i wanna do next.where i wanna go..and what i need to do...ok this is making me anxious..
next!!
I miss the kiddos..even the noise and the relentless overplaying of peter pan and cinderella and EVEN BARNEY - GASP!sad ..very sad..but i do miss them..Eeeks!!.something;s happening to me!Im starting to miss and get attached to kids!!Help!
I promised myself i'd stop being epiphobic and live up to the meaning of epiphany..and i promised ribena i'd try to be a more positive happy person this year...but here i am prattling on like a cross breed btwn oscar the grouch and eyore. But its ok..there's tomorrow and beyond..and the light will come back..afterall there's no such thing as darkness, only the absence of light (profound inspiration of the moment) :)
Feeling sleepy..and exhausted..(and i;m supposed to be an insomniact!this is disrupting my routine) but its been an emotional roller coaster ride, and i wonder when it'll be time to get off..i cld wait for it to stop..or i cld jump off,and be an 'agent of change' and end it myself..tht wld mean taking a risk...aah..im just tired..not gonna think abt it now,esp not in the wee hours of a sat morning!! ..so ciao fr now folks...
Till next time..keep writing... coz it gives me some inspiration (and something to do)..and dearest fungi (u know who u are) i just have to go on record adn say i lowved your journ style post!! Lookin frward to more - blogs and time tog!!
So much for bidding and blogging..i havnet been doing the latter, but i've been reading..and i've enjoyed that..as for the boxes..i signed into the blogspot after so long, and its really strange coz everything's boxes..instead of the regular font with letters..weird - anyone knows how to fix that??I have no idea how this happened coz it sure dindt look like that before! :S
Anyways..sch has started..i'm still grappling with that..more so in an emotional sense...it will be so different..wont be seeing the smae familiar faces in practically every class..wont see the same faces waiting outside the classrooms and saving seats fr me in 'conspicuous corners'...won't see the same ppl walk in late..ahem..and then happily doze off in front of the lecturer..ahem ahem..hehe..wont get to goss about the gang of 4 and the obnoxious one and blink blink bow tie..sigh..well it's ok..i'm sure my own sources will keep me very much in the loop...even tho my classes fall on the very same days that they have none..and i;ll be in the other end of campus practically every other day. Well chums..we'll still be in touch i;m sure...over pasta and fruit salad & goss about the sad department! and of coz abt the progress of the so far barely existant ISMs *grin!
In a way im happy to go back to some kinda routine..but in more ways its sad..i cant decide if i wnat my uni life to end or not..i do and i dont..feels like my life is gonna be that much emptier and meaningless..it's already beginning to feel that way...so much for trying to be positive eh!!Well i did promise myself i'd get out of eyore mode and become ..er...who;s the happiest character??Roo probably coz it gets to sit in the mommy's pocket (the mommy's a kangaroo just in case u think i've lost it completely - and if u do, where the heck have u been and what have u been reading/watching?!sheesh!) so back to being happy..yea..happy baby roo..in the safe pocket..in a way, i am there but im not all that happy..
Questioning alot abt why im here and why it feels like im meant to be here but like im not fulfilling my purpose..u know how nagging that kinda feeling is..dont let me even go there..but yea..i strongly recomment 'the 5 ppl u meet in heaven' by mitch albom..the same chap who wrote 'tuesdays with morrie'..both awesome books..and this one (5 ppl..heaven) is reallyyy beautiful..i cried on the bus while reading it, i sat in the library and cried while reading it..and i finished it in one day..no no its not morbid or tragic sad or anything..its just beautiful..and alot of my own qstns seemed to at least make sense..as in i wont say i have THE answers now..but before even the qstns didnt make sense and now they do..so its a start dontcha think..so yea..read tht book folks..it;s all about the meaning of ur life and realising why you're here and why the stuff tht happens,happens. Enlightening stuff.
I dont know how this year's going to be different..i wonder if it is going to be in the 1st place..sometimes i feel a difference at the start of the yr..this year i dint..it felt like any other day..remember talkin to Lav abt it..i wonder if it has any significance that it felt uneventful and insignificant (hah)..but then again last yr i remember i had this feeling it was gonna be an eventful yr..and boyyyyyy was it eventful.. :S
ok let's not go down this lane either.
I wanna do so many things...i wanna meet up and spend quality time wtih all my friends..i wanna go for morning walks with the mouldy one...i wanna go fr movies..i wanna go cycling and night swimming..and other stuff which ive been thinking off all my life but never got down to...i want to take up classical (carnatic) music..i want to be able to sing confidently..and not croak away while dreaming of having a gorgeous voice somewhere in the distant future..i want to learn somthing new...something different..something out of my safety/comfort zone..i realise its no longer a comfort zone..its an entire comfort island..and so often i think/feel im trapped in it..imagine being trapped within your self..ds tht mean there's another self somewhere out there..within us or outside the 'core me' (here we go, the I vs Me debate.sounds familiar??)..or is there an essential self with many different aspects? Still mulling over that one..and my life is NOT a helpful case study. I wanna write..i wanna take up a course,learn about different cultures adn different kinda music...learn hindi..I wanna do more spiritually inclined stuff..and i want to find my voice and use it.. use it for worthy purposes even if its underused..i wanna travel (sob!!here's the big moment when we distinguish btwn 'want' and 'need' -- i want to do alllllll these thnigs..but i need the money 1st) - get the diff??Ok i better start working on the needs seriously...so that i get to do all tht stuff by...well hopefully before i retire,assuming i get a job in the 1st place!Which means i gotta figure out what i wanna do next.where i wanna go..and what i need to do...ok this is making me anxious..
next!!
I miss the kiddos..even the noise and the relentless overplaying of peter pan and cinderella and EVEN BARNEY - GASP!sad ..very sad..but i do miss them..Eeeks!!.something;s happening to me!Im starting to miss and get attached to kids!!Help!
I promised myself i'd stop being epiphobic and live up to the meaning of epiphany..and i promised ribena i'd try to be a more positive happy person this year...but here i am prattling on like a cross breed btwn oscar the grouch and eyore. But its ok..there's tomorrow and beyond..and the light will come back..afterall there's no such thing as darkness, only the absence of light (profound inspiration of the moment) :)
Feeling sleepy..and exhausted..(and i;m supposed to be an insomniact!this is disrupting my routine) but its been an emotional roller coaster ride, and i wonder when it'll be time to get off..i cld wait for it to stop..or i cld jump off,and be an 'agent of change' and end it myself..tht wld mean taking a risk...aah..im just tired..not gonna think abt it now,esp not in the wee hours of a sat morning!! ..so ciao fr now folks...
Till next time..keep writing... coz it gives me some inspiration (and something to do)..and dearest fungi (u know who u are) i just have to go on record adn say i lowved your journ style post!! Lookin frward to more - blogs and time tog!!
The Chosen Shelter
"That little bird has chosen its shelter
Above it are the stars and the deep heaven of worlds;
It is rocking itself to sleep without caring for tomorrow's lodging
Calmly clinging to its little twig
and leaving god to think (plan) for it."
- Martin Luther
posted by Kumari | 2:11 AM
1 Comments:
geez.. thanks for that. FUNGI OK!
anyway, thanks for putting that into record..again.
;) much appreciated.
Read yer latest post and enjoyed it as always. It's good that u've put it on paper (well kind of at least) about what you WANT to do.. u've got a whole year DUDE! that's 365 days(about there) and even more hours. As for the night swim, morning walk and watching movies.. I think we could manage that while I'm still here innit! nite nite gupta!
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